Sins of My Father

Laura hated the way Jessica held the drink, like it was something so precious or she was scared of loosing it. She worked in a bar. a bar located in a bad part of New York. Laura knew what she was seeing in her Sister and it boiled somewhere between pity (which Jessica wouldn't want) and frustration (which didn't help anyone) to know Jessica had become someone that couldn't stand the world sober. Jessica, or perhaps Laura's idea of her, was meant to be stronger then that. Case in point the moment she tried to set the glass down on the bar.

The shattering of glass helped remind Laura of the fact Jessica was in fact more powerful then her. She didn't think this was going to come to an actual fight. either Jessica or Laura would just turn around and leave long before it came to that, probably, but it was still something worth remembering. Some petty part of her brain actually took the time to be annoyed that she would end up having to clean that up.

Laura wasn't certain she had ever experienced this much of Jessica's anger directed on HER, and it put her on the back foot from the get go. It would probably have wounded her deeply to see if all thought had not been swept aside by the answer she'd wanted for years now.

She had never expected it to be this. Laura had come up with hundreds of ideas to try and tie the little ends she had together. nothing had ever been like that. "I." Laura tried, the words dying in her mouth as she tried to find something, anything, to say to what she'd just learned. A child was dead. Father had failed to care. Jessica had made a second mistake and the combination made her run. Now Laura knew the truth she realised she didn't want it anymore. Wanted to find some way to make it clear all that hadn't actually happened. impossible. It made too much sense. fit to well. Jessica wouldn't lie to her, Laura didn't even try to listen to her heart beat, this was nothing she would ever say if it wasn't true.

Laura looked at her Father and back to Jessica and in a strange moment of clarity, it occurred to her that Laura had never once come up with a version of events where it was him at fault, not Jessica. she'd had years. But Jessica was right, she had simply taken his side like she always did.

"I am sorry." It was all she could manage. was she saying sorry for what had happened?, for doubting her? for what she'd said this night? yes. all of that. more. You couldn't kill a child and be okay afterwards. if a child died and you showed no reaction it meant you had never been okay mentally. Jessica had not been in her right mind. Black out. the obvious conclusion that needed to rise from these thoughts was that clearly Jessica was not the one to blame. but... Laura couldn't quite get there. not yet.

The shove was deserved and Laura skidded backwards, barely able to keep her footing from the strength behind it. Laura let the distance opened up stay as it was, breathing heavy from emotion at the next outburst of words from Jessica. He... wouldn't. Laura rejected that thought like it would burn her. Father wouldn't hurt them, either of them. no matter what else she held onto that as a stone that she couldn't let move. "You are my sister." She said slowly, looking Jessica in the eye at that line. No matter what else, even if they never fixed anything, and never talked again after tonight that was a reality at least. "until now, I had thought everything I knew of you was in question." Laura had thought that if Jessica was capable of deciding to cripple their Dad in hatred, then Laura had not truly known her. She had sat in that hole of ignorance, so convinced it had been Jessica's intention, and refused to even recognise she had been in the damn hole.

"i lost faith in you because you did not show any in me." she answered, knowing that wasn't the diplomatic thing to say and not caring. "you are telling me now and I am listening to you. all I wanted was the truth." Laura let Jessica talk to their Father as she stewed on the ninety degree shift reality had taken around her.

When Father said what he did though, something made Laura loose patience again. "why did you not tell me?" she demanded, staring at him with the pent up emotions that were putting her on the edge of lashing out for its own sake. "If you ever wanted her to be able to come back, why did you make me hate her like this?" because it was still there. she couldn't stop herself resenting Jessica being allowed to stand there even as she told herself over and over that it wasn't fair to do that. "i want you safe." Laura insisted alongside their Fathers reassurances.

Laura didn't know what she was feeling. empty. confused. angry without the ability to talk herself into lashing out at either of them. she wanted to yell at both of them. or hit them. or hug them. or storm out. instead she just stood there, watching the two she saw as both having done bad things and failed to react in any semblance of the right way about it.

The average person, upon meeting Artie Cade, would probably find him to be an entirely amoral, slippery, wicked little thing. The part of him that would do the work he did was giddy about it. Would delight in it. And people would see that. That was the reason that people in this city found him frightening. Nobody wanted to cross Boss Cade, which was what made those who did so interesting to him. He found immense satisfaction in the challenge of it.
And people would see that too.
But Artie, underneath all of that, Artie didn't feel nothing for the things he'd done or the bodies he'd put in the ground or in the bay. To say he didn't consider everything he did was a mistake. His entire empire was built on the lives he took, and he found that necessary. For the more recent portion of that, it was to provide for his daughters.
But now, he didn't have daughters. Just the one.
He looked at Laura, his own eyes still bewildered, unsure what to say.
"I...." he said softly, "....was afraid. That you'd go with her. That I'd lose you both just like that. I hated Jessica for so long, that I didn't know how else to have you feel....and it was wrong, it was all wrong. All of it. Afraid that you'd go with her because she was right to do what she did."
He released Jessica's arm and set his fist against his forehead.
"I was just....a fucking coward. A fucking coward and now look what it's done-"

And then Jessica spoke.
Artie listened.
His expression fell even further than it had been. If the universe had asked him in this moment if he would rather hear his once-daughter say this or have her plunge her hand into his chest and pull out his heart, he felt that without question he would prefer the latter. It would hurt less.
It was only his children who could make him feel like this. This vulnerable. This weak. This exposed.
And even after he had opened up about all this to them, given Jessica the final truth, it was clear she didn't want it.
Or couldn't want it.
Very well, then. He had tried to plead.
Artie's cane shot over the counter and clinked loudly and forcefully against the neck of the bottle that Jessica held. His eyes fixed on her. His expression had become one of quiet, softly bubbling anger. The kind of face he'd wear when conducting business with any of his other mooks.
"That's enough," he said, evenly, "Employees pay first, Ms. Jones."
It was hard. But if Jessica Jones wanted this to be a business arrangement...then it solidified his conflict about how to feel about her. If she wanted to be afraid of him, he could oblige that well enough. If she didn't want to be a member of this family, then she would be just another name on the employee list. Another thug. But a far more valuable one.
"I consider the damage to the bar a pre-arrangement incident," he went on as he pulled his cane away, "So I'll write it off. But you'll pick up the glass you shattered. All of it."
If this is what she wanted....she could have it. He had closed up. That had been all he had needed to hear to shut him off.
"Now...housing arrangements," he said as he withdrew his checkbook and opened it, "This has become a family-occupied residence. I'll set you up elsewhere. You'll report Monday morning at 9 AM sharp. I'll draw up a list of the duties required of you in order to stay in my sector of the city. Because if you want to stay out of Kilgrave's clutches you won't go further than my borders."
He began to jot down notes on a small notepad contained within the checkbook.
"I won't charge you for use of one of the apartments I have down the way," he continued, tearing off a small sheet of paper and handing it to her, "The address is on there. It's furnished. If you'd like anything added to it, let me know."
He leaned back onto one of the bar stools and looked up at the woman, his eyes empty before he began to write out a check, handing that to her as well. It was for $2,000.
"If that'll be all..." he said, giving a look to Laura, his face cracking only a little to reveal how small he felt in this moment before he blinked it away and began to limp toward his office, "I'll begin drafting your list of required duties to perform during your tenure here, Ms. Jones. No time like the present."
He could not put into words how much behaving in this manner tore him up. He'd rather be mauled by a rabid coyote.
But this is what Jones would prefer, it seemed. And so she would have it.
And he would have her at his disposal. And more importantly at present, her abilities.

And that was it. The rap of his cane against the bottle was something he'd seen do with employees enough to know that this was it. "Employees pay first" was the point of no return. If she couldn't figure herself out right now, they might never be able to get that moment back. That moment they had before Laura interrupted them and emotions got out of control. And she found ... she wanted that moment back, more than words could say.
It .... hurt. It hurt hearing him treat her like someone that didn't matter to him.
Pathetically, she shoved her hand in her pocket and laid on the counter the last few pennies she had left and one wadded up dollar bill. She searched through her wallet for anything else, but came up empty.

She listened, dumbfounded when Artie began to tell her that she would be living elsewhere. That she would be paying for damages. That he would be drafting a list of her duties, like she was a common thug. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't pretend she wasn't hurting. The look on her face said it all. This caused her some pain, greater than she would have ever imagined she'd feel. And she didn't know what to do about it.
She looked at the check he shoved her way. Wow. Business had been good to him since she left. She felt ... conflicted about taking the money. She didn't know what he'd done to earn it anymore. She also felt conflicted about him paying for her apartment if she wasn't going to be family. Employees had to make their own way. And, more than that, she was still a little afraid of him. If she wasnt' going to be living here, she wasn't sure she wanted to be someplace he could find her easily.

Artie disappeared into his office, and Jessica only barely registered what Laura was saying to her. At least, until a peace offering was suggested. She looked at Laura, almost completely emotionally drained from the day. "Y... Yes. I think.... Yes. I'd like that." She tried to manage a smile, but it hurt. "I'm sorry... I'm just going to ..." She gestured toward Artie's office to indicate that she was going to check on him before following him in.

"D....." She stopped herself as she poked her head through the office door. ".... Artie?" She took a step inside and let the door shut behind her. "Can we .... Can we talk about this? Please? I mean, I know you probably don't think I have a right to address you as anything other than sir anymore, but ..."
The exhaustion became too much. As much as she wanted to stay strong in front of this devil she'd come to fear, she also couldn't help but crumble. Her walls she took so much pride in erecting around her suddenly came tumbling down, and she looked tired. More than that, she looked pained that she was losing her family. Again.

"Can't we just .... start over? I've been very hopeful, so far. Now for the first time.... I think we're going wrong. Hurry up and tell me, this is just a dream. Could we start again please?"
She walked around to his chair and knelt next to him, for once putting him at a higher level than herself. It wasn't often she sat herself lower than him, but she was on the verge of begging him to take her back. To take her home.
"I think you've made your point now. You've even gone a bit too far to get the message home. Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a vote, so ... could we start again please?"

Laura didn't say anything when Jessica made her way over to Fathers office, just giving a small nod as she watched her Sister go. She didn't say anything when Jessica made her attempts to get through to him, or anything when he let out more secrets that Laura had never expected. If either of them ever asked, she'd admit she had eavesdropped on the conversation between them without hesitation. Her powers had let her hear it all, and Laura had wanted to listen to it.

As they talked, Laura moved to the bar counter and took the now empty glass she had drank from, and started dropping the smashed up results of Jessica's emotions into it. easier to have them all there to dump in the bin all at once then to make repeated trips. the tiny plink, plink, noises of glass clattering against glass giving the heart-breaking scene in the office a strange little sound track. like someone disjointedly and sporadically hitting on the highest key of a piano at intervals bereft of any pattern.

So Jessica wanted to fix things. that was. That was good. it needed to be a good thing now. they had passed the point where Laura was certain they could loose Jessica again and Fathers mind would stay intact. They had passed the point where Laura would be able to emotionally handle seeing Jess vanish again. She had no idea what walking out right now would do to her sister and didn't want to see that. not ever.

plink.

So Father had loved and lost and was in more pain then he'd ever let on. it made sense, Laura realised with a crushing sense of depressed familiarity with him. his solution to grief was to pretend there was none for as long as he could no matter if everyone in the world was aware of it, he'd lie even if the only person listening to him was himself.

Plink. plink. plink.

Laura supposed Jessica and herself would probably have been able to help him if he had opened up before now. helped him recover the way the three of them had always tried to do for each other.... even when it had gone down to the two of them. but they never pushed each other. Laura had known there were things those two had never told her about, and she'd never pushed or questioned or dug at it. There were things she'd never told those two, and they'd returned the courtesy. maybe that hadn't been the best idea.

plink.

all three of them had barbed arrow heads stuck in their flesh, and Laura had been so scared of the pain that'd come from ripping hers out, that she had pretended any help at all would be rubbing salt in the wound. that she had to pretend it wasn't there or else. And maybe Laura had instinctively known if she'd tried to help the others that she would break the air of silence that had existed without any verbal agreement passing. No matter how bad the infection could become, how much it was hurting the people she loved, Laura had been scared. because if she spoke up then those two would too and she couldn't cope with that.

Laura stopped dead a heart beat before she was going to drop one of the larger shards left and just stared at the doorway. She hadn't even tried out of selfishness. only thinking about how it would affect her.

and the worst part was she didn't have to ask to know Jessica and their Dad had done the exact same thing.

Laura leaned against the bar and closed her fist around the shard, the spikes of pain across her palm and fingers as the glass cut deeper into her skin left her shuddering, especially when what little of the drink was present found the wounds and turned it into a sharp burning feeling.

She relished it. because physical pain couldn't ever hurt as much as all this threatened to. Laura waited silently for those two to continue talking and finally let herself cry.

Artie had dreaded Jessica's reaction. How pathetic he must have looked. What would she think of him?
These thoughts flooded in and out of his mind as he just let himself fall apart entirely when she held him, clinging to her almost desperately. His Locke had been his whole world, and that was taken away from him.
Then these two, Jessica and Laura, they had become his world. And those years ago he had chipped away at the fabric of it all.
But now they were here...holding each other. Bearing their souls to one another. Even Laura might have been listening, he realized.

"I'm so sorry, Jessica..." Artie rasped between tears as he tried to regain himself, "I'm so so sorry...for everything. I was so selfish to do that to you, so selfish.....but it'll be different now between us. I promise. Ya hear me...?"
He looked into her eyes and for a moment he had a rare moment of clarity.
He couldn't tell her about Kilgrave's death. Not ever. This had to remain. He couldn't break this again, and that would surely do the job. He'd told her what she needed to know. It seemed to him that telling her about Kilgrave would break what had been mended...and brought them back together again, even if it was the result of such long ago spite between them.
Artie smiled for a moment, holding Jessica's face in his hand.
"No more killing, not for you," he whispered, "No more. You'll stay here, you'll do whatever you want to do. If I'm not long for the world in this business I'm in, I know this: I will not go to my grave with either of my children thinking I'm a monster."
At the word 'monster' he looked blank for a moment, almost in realization, running his free hand down the scars on his face.
"I can't..." he whispered, "...always remember how things were before. How they looked. How I looked. But when I see you again, I think I do. I remember we'd always go out just the two of us on Sundays. It never mattered where. I remember seeing us, just you and me, in store front windows. How much you hated shopping even then. I remember...how you pulled the whole door off of the limo when we were stumbling out of Johnny O'Hagen's when we closed down the place that night we were both so drunk..."

He let out a chuckle as he dried his eyes with his handkerchief.
"I remember when...even when I brought Laura home," he went on, "How horrified you were at what she did to me. But watching her grow up with you...with us....it's the most amazing thing you could ever have given me. That both of you gave me. And I can only ever try to pay you back for it. But this'll be the start of me trying."
Artie pulled Jessica into a close embrace once more. He was babbling. But he didn't know what to say. Until he said it.
"I love you, Jessica."

Artie felt himself as totally weightless in that moment.
It had been an insane day, moving from one emotion to the next in a faster pace than even he was used to.
But after all this time, after these years that felt so long, he'd reminded his little Jessie that he loved her.
And she told him the same.
It meant the world to him, and as her embrace tightened, he felt himself relax and regain himself finally.
With a deep breath, he gave her one more squeeze as well before he released her and looked up into her eyes.
"So, you and me...." he said quietly, nodding to the office door, "What we said out there....both of us.....wanna just forget it?"

He put a hand on her shoulder and smiled, surprisingly warmly.
"You're home now, Jessie," he said with a small chuckle full of joy that he couldn't suppress, "You're home. You're safe."
Was she though? Yes, she had to be. He couldn't hurt her, not anymore, not like this. But he couldn't tell her about Kilgrave, no no no. That was his secret. Even Laura hadn't been present when he'd offed the man.
Enough bullets leaking his innards out to put down an elephant.
Artie had painstakingly cut the corpse into pieces himself.
Buried them in different plots around the outskirts of the city, no markings.
Zebediah Kilgrave had gone the way of his namesake.
But...surely Jessica would want to hear that...wouldn't she? But no, what use would she have for him then? He needed her. He needed what she brought with her by her presence. Not to mention she was his daughter and he loved her.

"Well we'd....best not keep Laura waiting too long," Artie said as he sniffed the last of his tears back into his mind, "Just need to...."
He'd nearly forgotten his mask. When he was alone with Jessie, it was very easy for him to forget the half of his face that was missing. He swiftly limped back to the desk and retrieved the mask, setting the spectacle arms over his ears and making sure it was all straight.
"There, that's better..." he said as he cleared his throat, "Or should I....let her come in and leave you two alone yourselves?"
It hadn't occurred to Artie until now that his girls might need their own reconciliation and closure. He wasn't always needed, and he understood that. He waited for Jessica to answer, the smile still on his face. Truth be told, it was worn in that moment purely out of love.